Write It on My Heart
Over time I’ve believed many things, and lost
trust in just as many. But the one thing I have grown certain about is the love
that God has for me. I look around and I see traces of Him, in all I do, in all
I have accomplished, and in all I hope to be. But even though I’m fully aware
of His presence, I’ve also had serious moments of doubt. My heart knows and
believes that yes, God loves me and His plan for me is over and above my
wildest dreams. My mind on the other hand, has battled with this truth time and
time again. I have great admiration for people who have had a consistent walk
with God- heroes of faith as I see them.
Some of them have walked with me and spoken truths that I was sometimes
not ready nor willing to hear. I’ve often wished I could say that behind the
make-up and glam is a woman who is totally secure in who she believes in. But
the honest truth is, behind the veil is a girl who has had moments of fear,
doubt, timidity, and yes, great insecurity.
I have faced life with zeal, rolled with the
punches, but other times simply thrown in the towel; plain out given up. I’ve questioned the value of life, and why
people hold on even when it has been anything but kind to them. My heart has gone out to families whose loved
ones gave up on life, because a part of me understands only too well how it
feels to be at the end of the line. You see the truth is unless God accords you
the opportunity to see things from his perspective, you may find yourself so overwhelmed
and cornered by life; it will seem as though there are no options, and a
temporary situation will give the illusion of permanency.
There have been times when I have been so
discouraged that I didn’t even want to get out of bed. And those are the times
I’ve remember something or seen something that made me laugh so hard that tears
rolled down my face, and all that remained was the sweetest tummy ache. God has
a sense of humour. Whenever I have found
myself broke, busted, and disgusted He has reminded me that nothing is
impossible with Him. God never allows me to stay down. He sings songs of
deliverance and peace over me through the chaos of life. He remains faithful
even through my faithlessness. I am so glad that He is nothing like me.
There have also been times when I’ve had to stand
on a stage or a pulpit to minister, and I’ve wondered whether I’d make it
through the song without breaking down; I wondered whether anyone could see the
struggle, or hear the pain in my voice. And in those times I learnt that in my
weakness God’s strength knows no bounds. He covers me with His grace- the grace
that He so liberally gives, and uses my pain to bring healing to another.
I revere God with all my heart, and yet I’ve grown
in the understanding that He is a father who will never turn His back on me.
When I’ve made a mess of my own life He still allows me to crawl on His lap and
weep, and then ever so gently wipes my tears away reminding me that He is a God
of second, third, countless chances. My
heavenly father not only hears the prayers that I whisper in the night, but
also the unspoken ones…the ones I cannot form into words. The ones that are too
intimate to share with anyone. He hears my heart and speaks right back to it.
Thank you God for never allowing me to give up. Thank
you for giving me this moment, right here and now to pour my heart on paper…to
tell someone who is about to let go that they can still try again. Remind them
as you have reminded me over and over, that failure is just another opportunity
to start again. May your peace steady their hearts in the midst of all that
seems to be falling apart. May they find in you solid ground when all else is
sinking. Remind them God that it’s not over for them until you say it is. May
your promises and your truths be deeply etched on their hearts. Remind them that
you shall never leave nor forsake them…that you are a friend who sticks closer
than a brother…that you work all things together for their good…that you keep
them in perfect peace whose hearts stay in you…that your grace is sufficient for
them…that you will supply all of their needs…that you will never give them more
than they can bear…that in you the old is gone and everything is made new…! Write
it on their hearts God. So that in those times when their minds forget, their
heart will still remember that it is written.
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